[Weekly Whimsy] A Deeper Look, Part 2

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! What, words? Why? When worried, worked and worn, wander into wonder, and witness whimsy's will.]




What she say? She said - Prince, Joy In Repetition 
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I'm back from a brutal week. Somehow my brain and life got disconnected and I'm really feeling it. I see my comments and queries this week as much more analytical and less personally involved- for good or bad, I'm not sure.

I am taking another look at the questions asked previously and offering insights. I hope my cogitations are more open to gamers in general, with a nod to the ladies, as I wasn't aware I was being exclusionary last week. That's never my intent. I like to talk to everyone!


Dungeonmum asked a really great starter question: How did you get into RPGs?

I ask a variant of this to nearly every person I game with (mine is: How did you get into gaming?) I love hearing the stories- of finding an outlet for creative expression, of united geekiness, and of community. I was really glad to see this question; but not just for ladies- for everyone. I find this topic fascinating for any gamer. The “anatomy of a geek” is really fun to explore. I love finding the common elements and discovering new ways of involvement in our hobby.

In the FGRT, the responses showed that most ladies were self-induced, introduced via peers or adults, with a few SO's in the picture as well. I was excited to see how many of “us” found gaming on our own; it sort of validates a pet theory of mine that geekiness is inherent and nerds will self congregate. Given all that, I found Dungeonmum's assessment that “dating a guy who played” “seems to be the most common way” to get into gaming absolutely revealing.

The IDEA that women get into the hobby through SO's is out there. It's really prevalent when crowdsourcing or taking opinion polls across a large group of people. But in actual interviews of gamers who happen to be female, it's rare. In the FGRT, there were 3 out of 18 responders who indicated they got in via SO's.  Late last year, I did a survey of the women I know personally; and responses were similar- only 1 out of the 15 gals I spoke to got into gaming via their SO.  The overall response rate of introduction via SO's I have seen appears to be less than 9%.  That's a pretty small amount.

Where is this idea coming from?   Why is the “theory” so well believed despite other indicators?

Th next question I'll examine today is one I liked a lot; just on principle. We're asked: Who was your favorite character to play ever? Why?

This is one of the most fun questions to ask a player- because everyone has an answer. I love seeing what motivates people's passion for their creations- from wordplay (woohoo, a fellow word nerd!) to kicking butt (which is also fun), all our answers were personal and resonated to us in some way. This is pretty true no matter who you ask. I love seeing people's faces light up when talking about the badassery and/or awesome they managed as their favorite character. I like it so much so I asked
about it here and got some great responses.

Many responders talked about being able to tap into their “ultimate” or “fantasy” selves-  playing someone they are not; but want to be. Jak was a definite example of this sort of character for me, but he was very difficult to pull off. Jak was essentially my personal opposite: male, decisive, aggressive, hostile, proficient and goal driven. Despite all these personality differences, he shared something with almost all of my other characters. Jak (and almost every single one of my imagined personalities) was fundamentally broken- a tragic hero who sought redemption for past transgressions.

I love to play these kinds of characters- people who are somewhat damaged; but trying to find solace in their actions. To me, it's a great way to work on some of my own “mental junk”; kind of therapy through roleplay. It's also a way to show the depths of tragedy, pain and ultimately; hope. I've truly enjoyed the moments when one of my characters inspires another to greatness, to betterment, or simply to kindness. I know those are pretty small things in the scheme of a game, but they matter to me.

What other players liked was equally interesting. I saw a lot of really fun answers. Our responders enjoyed being smart, tough, or game-changing; not any different than anyone else in any other game setting. I loved that the answers were so diverse and that there didn't appear to be any one “type”; because that'd be boring as hell.

Do you think there is a type of character ladies are “expected” to play?
Further on expectations is the question of bending gender. It appears that there's at least a little bit of an idea that playing against one's own gender is difficult (based on Zak's comments) or strange. I personally find the opposite to be true.  I like playing dudes, and hope to keep at it when given the chance.

The question is: How often do you play male characters?

The comments on this topic seemed to be split roughly 50/50 – with half playing at least some, and the other half not so much. My personal take on that is: that seems fair. It's like asking how often we play fighters, or people in space; simply a matter of preference rather than any big statement.

I didn't get any sense that playing a guy was any more important, consequential or  earthshaking than playing a druid, a demon returned from hell, or  anything else we might play.

The question itself seems to indicate switching up is an oddity. Am I inferring to much from the poser, or does it strike the same chord with you?

Lastly, how one decides gender when creating a character came up.

Concept & gut are the most consistent answers, with equity thrown in for good measure. Again, I think this is as unimportant as how one decides occupation  or education- it all comes down to character creation, and what women do seems  to be the same as what men do.

I'd love to hear your take on these inferences and opinions, as well as differing opinions.  Next week, I'll hit on a few more of the questions, the responses and anything else that hits my fancy. Thanks for joining me this time!

[Weekly Whimsy] A Deeper Look, Part 1

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! A different discussion, delivering data dealing with determinations and debate; deconstructing dames, DMs and discourse.]

Hear the voices

All the people- INXS, All the Voices

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I ran short of ideas for something completely new this week, but I've been musing on something “recycled” for a bit now. I was motivated to pick it up again after my post Friday. I touched on a cognitive difference in understanding, using and manipulating an entire system, and to some extent I attributed this to gender.

My own comments got me ruminating about gender differences in gaming (again) and caused me to recall the FGRT. I wanted to revisit my responses (as I was uncharacteristically brief) as well as talk a little bit about those that responded as an overall group.

I dropped a note to Zak, and he kindly agreed to let me take over his blog (sort of), so here I am with my unrestrained commentary. These opinions and thoughts are mine. I don't speak for all lady gamers.

In fact, part of my point today is that the female gamer demographic is exceptionally difficult to pin down, even when given the opportunity.

The roundtable was held here- on a massively popular gaming blog, and the post got tons of redistribution across the web. Despite all that, only about 15 women responded to the questions. I noted this on my blog and I think I came across in a way I didn't intend. I didn't mean that Zak wasn't doing a good job of reaching women – in fact, I think the opposite. My point was more one of- why the heck aren't they responding? Out of 600+ followers (which might be a fraction of actual readers); only FIFTEEN women commented? REALLY?

What could be causing this? I know there are active, intelligent and interesting women out there who game. Many of them have their own blogs and are producing compelling and creative content. Folks like 20 Sided Woman, Commissar Carrie, Hurricane Girl/Cami and more are out there with fascinating voices.

Why is it so hard to get them talking; especially to EACH OTHER?

I do wonder how much of the reticence to reply was solely out of respect to the sheer number of questions. If it had been 2, 3, or even 4 questions it's possible there would have been more plentiful responses. It's hard to know, but I'll be reexamining both the questions and replies very shortly, so perhaps some conversation will be rekindled.

One of the things that struck me most out of the replies was that out of the 15 or so responders, only 3-4 of the women GM. While most all of the gals had tried it, not many continued to do so. Is this due to lack of confidence? Performance anxiety? Deference to more dominant personalities? Concerns about balance and structure? Fear of developing worlds, settings  or characters that exist merely to fulfill wishes or personal fantasy, rather than exciting places and people?  I can't speak for other women, but I know I've been struck by all of these and more. I'm working to change my own personal reticence to run a game, and hope to be up and at 'em within a few months.

I've been blessed to be surrounded by an imaginative, embracing and truly supportive gaming community for as long as I can remember. I've made innumerable friendships that are becoming essential to growing my skillset and developing my talents so that I can be a fantastic GM. I know that not all of female gamers are so lucky, but might want to take a stab at running the show.

What can the gaming community do to help grow creative, evocative and capable female GM's?

I'm more than just a bit intrigued by the possibilities of more communicative and active female gamers, and specifically GMs. I think we'd all benefit from having more women around- and for reasons much deeper than scenery.

In my local meta, I am NOT alone as a lady player. I personally know  a good 10-15 ladies who game, and I'm AWARE of at least a dozen more via a LARP community. This particular sense of solidarity has given me a sense of security and protection in some of the games I play. This has allowed me to explore some very dark and non-traditional roles without any fear of imbalancing the game. I've grown out of my "nice girl" confines and become something close to fearless when it comes to playing rougher, darker and more nuanced characters - with a good amount of credit going to the other women around me.

The IDEA that I'm not alone has given courage when it comes to doing things that interest me, that are compelling, and are richer in nuance and voice. All of these points are in effect solely by having women as compatriots in or around the game.

What would it do to all of us in terms of gaming if the head of the table were a lady? Wouldn't we be enriched, challenged, driven and tested more; or at least differently? A woman's view of far-off worlds in action (rather than in print such as fiction) might reveal a lot, and give us much to develop.

I'd love to find ways to address this chasm, and maybe I'll strike on some ideas for myself as I continue on in examining the roundtable. Next week, I'll be looking at the questions a  little more closely; with my illustrious tag full in effect. I hope you'll join me, and even throw some comments my way!



Be Well,

H/'Lo

[RPG] [WOD] Mage, the Awakening + Other Cool stuff

Check this out, yo! I went from somewhere in the high 20's, low 30's to 12! I am pretty sure the new readers came on the heels of my giveaway contest, but I'll take whatever I can get. I'm truly excited to be able to reach folks in so many genres and categories.
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On the RPG front, I started reading the nWOD Mage, The Awakening book (again). Last time, I did not get very far into it- I just got a feel for what it was all about and put it aside because it was not for me. It completely baffled me and was nigh incomprehensible beyond the "power corrupts" theme. Well this time, I don't get to say "I don't like it"- I have to learn it. I have to admit, I'm more than a bit intimidated.

Before I really got too far into it, I read the credits pages- the writers, designers, playtesters etc. Folks, this book was totally dreamt up by dudes. There is ONE woman's name in the dizzying array of guys.

I think I finally understand why I don't understand this book- it's completely written in dudespeak. Overall, I do tend to understand the weird dialect used by the three legged mammals, but there are some times when I just do not know what the heck you fellows are saying. This book (to me) is nothing short of a boys-only club handbook, ala Lil' Rascals. Maybe this is why there are so few kick-ass lady mages?

I don't generally fall into the stereotype crap, and I'm not a big fan of leaving ANYTHING to "the boys" simply because it's a "typical" male subject or because it might be easier. I'm far too stubborn, and even when I'm over my head, I keep at something until I have at least a semblance of a clue. [Seriously. I took Algebra three times because 1- my dad made me, and 2- I really DID want to learn it.]

So I refuse to let this book get the best of me. I will figure out a way to understand it and get into the world the White Wolf folks have created. What strikes me as odd about this book that every OTHER WW product I've read makes complete and total sense to me. Even without completely understanding the mythos or fluff, I've grabbed onto all the other White Wolf stuff fairly easily.

Perhaps the difference is the book approaches the topics as if you already know everything about the world, or because there's so much symbolism and synergy- but M:tA is KILLING me. In addition to the massive verbiage, there's all of the mechanics to learn as well.

Help!

If you love the game, or have any handy ideas on how to break it down into less confusing chunks, I'd love to hear what you have to say. But in the meantime, I am reading that darn blue book and swearing a lot under my breath.

Be Well,

H/'Lo

[RPG] Roundtable and Update

First, I want to suggest you folks go take a peek at this thought-provoking post. It was brought to my attention by the ever lovely Dungeonmum, and I figured I'd mosey over and chat a bit.

http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/2011/02/female-gamer-roundtable-is-go.html

I have to say I'm not a usual frequenter of the site for a variety of reasons. However, it is by all metrics available, the most popular and highest traffic RPG blog out there- and giving lady gamers a chance to talk about their perspectives and ideas is a pretty good thing in my book.

I did notice that out of 630+ followers, he's only getting something like 30-40 replies. Zak's not dumb though, and he's putting up a follow up post for more discussion. (Actually, Zak and I have talked off an on via comments in a sundry number of RPG blogs and he's an excessively fun and intelligent guy.)

In other news, my Hero System game set in Hawaii is on hiatus at the moment. TheJoe, the GM, recently got a promotion. (YAY! He deserved it.) Due to this his schedule is a little wonky and he's waiting until things settle down to restart the game.

Some of you may have heard (or guessed), but I've decided to retire Eile in the near future. Exactly how (and when) is still very much up to my evocative and story-driven ST. I have some basic ideas about what will happen- but how I react to it and where it leaves the other players is the meat of the matter. It's very much the crux of the D1 style discussion as was brought about by Porky and expanded on by a large number of folks.

Once Eile's story is concluded (or perhaps a better word is withdrawn), I'm not sure where that will leave me on the RPG front. I'm actively thinking about my game world again- and I have some new questions and thoughts to go along with the making of a world. Porky's got me all flustered on naming conventions, though.  I wonder if his "place" in the community is stirring things up, as opposed to mine, which is inspiring others. Food for thought.

I have more subjects for the "core" RPG series I was doing, but this week I wanted to discuss what *I* am doing, and then get back to community.

Community is what I love, and I'm always interested in what's going on around me. I am trying to make my feeds and links direct content that's compelling and provoking- so I'm working on keywords and really honing in on what I want to discuss.

Be Well,

'Lo

[Weekly Whimsy] Romance

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Accentuating ardor, amour, admiration and affairs; regaling relevant rules for relations.] 

“O for the gentleness of old Romance, the simple planning of a minstrel's song!”   John Keats

Got a special someone? Lady Friend? Dr. Girlfriend? She Who Must Be Obeyed? Wife? Man? Sexy Thing? Dude? Husband? 

If so, no doubt you've noticed that Valentine's Day is quickly arriving. I've heard countless times from many of my male gaming friends that Valentine's Day gives them something of a complex- they simply have no idea “what to do”. I thought I'd toss you guys a bone and help you out. 

Yes, I know I'm a little late on the scene. I probably should have followed my own, best advice when it comes to wooing;

1- Do a little planning. 

For us gamers, being prepared is either second nature, or a terrible burden. I know countless guys that come to game ill-prepared (no dice, paper, pencils, nothing). For them, thinking ahead is an actual chore. Then there's those of us who are just a little crazy about being ready for anything. I'm personally guilty of having no less than 3 pens at any time and I usually have a pad of paper, too. For me, being prepared is second nature to who I am. 

Regardless, when it comes to romance, planning ahead is essential. Don't wait until the last minute- or you'll end up giving wilted, terrible flowers from a gas station, bad lingerie from Kmart, or Little Debbie's Valentine Cakes. (Sometimes those terrible gifts can turn into a goofy tradition- but be aware at least some frustration will come of it before your Sweetie thinks it's “sweet”.)

What kinds of planning has a LOT to do with your special friend, and almost nothing to do with “what the media says”. Here's an example:

If your Significant Other adores Motocross, getting her a hearts & flowers gram is not going to be as effective as getting tickets to the nearest dirt track show. If he likes SCA and RenFaire stuff, he'll most likely be far more tickled with a trip to Medieval Times than going to see the latest Jet Li movie.

Having tickets to these sorts of things takes thinking weeks (if not MONTHS) in advance. Many of these sorts of adventures involve travel. That can include hotel stays, dinner out, and distractions other than the intended event. Coordinating all of the said itinerary ahead of schedule with consideration to your partner's tastes can turn you into a hero overnight. But all of those ideas need at least an element of 

2- Know Your Partner's Interests- This, in a nutshell, is: PAY ATTENTION. 

You know what synergies work best in your armies, right? The same should be said for your romantic endeavors. Know what works, and use it to your advantage. 

I'm a pretty simple girl. I like good food, games, books, miniatures and purses. I'm also very fond of surprises. I'm known to enjoy wrestling, football, basketball and goofy action movies. A quick surprise date to see a movie like “Red” and going out to have dinner at a place I haven't tried before is going to score TheDude major points with me. Knowing what makes your partner smile is a key element to romancing and wooing said person. 

Giving a gift (or expressing your affection in a way) that's meant to show you understand her, and care about what she likes is golden. Guys like it too- nothing's worse than a bad golf tie when he hates 'that game with the crooked sticks'. Give him a StormRaven, a new Citadel Paint set, or maybe a Battle Foam bag instead.

This third pointer is really meant for the guys, but girls can learn at least a little something, too.

3- Make your partner feel valued. 

 

This is a bit tough to explain, but it's kind of like showcasing your favorite IC or HQ on your blog for all their massive exploits. You want to offer public validation and recognition for that special someone in your life so they're seen for how truly awesome they are. 

This is really about helping a girl feel like a princess in a fairy tale- making a special impression with a truly grand gesture. Guys like to feel like rock stars, with tons of adoring fans and massive adulation. 

If you send flowers (and you should know IF she likes them and what kind), do it EARLY in the week, and send them to her work. She'll get the thrill of seeing a delivery just for her, she gets to brag on you all week, and get admiring glances from the other gals at work. It's a win-win. 

Tell him how much you appreciate him- in writing, through music, with a tattoo or writing a check to help fund his dream. Do it in a big way, so that he knows how much you treasure what he does for you, and he can gloat to the other guys how he has “the best partner in the universe”. It's a win-win.

Doing just a little work will pay off big in the long run. Just like play testing or honing a list (and subsequently stomping face), the effort is completely worth the results when your loved one swoons at your romantic gestures. 

Being “romantic”, much like winning against a tough competitor, is not simple- but it's easily accomplished with preparation and planning. 

Be Well (and be prepared), 

'Lo 

[Weekly Whimsy] "Let The Boys Do It"

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Loquacious lets loose, laying low long-lived lamentations on living as a lady.]

[Absolutely not at all in response to Dethtron, but it's pretty fitting.]

"When a man asks a woman, "Would you like help with that?", what he's really saying is:
"Would you like some d**k?" "- Chris Rock, Bigger & Blacker

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I honestly and truly don't see myself as a feminist. I have too many old fashioned values for that; but I am a highly modern woman, trying to get by in a (mostly) modern world.

[Weekly Whimsy] The Girlfriend

Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Meandering into more mature material, mumblings and missives maintenant. Guys, I'm gabbing on the glamorous, gorgeous, garrulous, gamine, gracious, and gratifying gender; germane to gaming and giving guys a gamble.

[One of these days I'll find a tougher letter. On to the subject at hand! As hinted to above, this is a little more serious. I still plan to be lighthearted and fun, but this is a slightly more adult topic today.]

Hey little girl, I wanna be your boyfriend

Ramones, I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend

over heard at the game store:

Gamer 1- “So, after 9 months of dating, I finally told my girlfriend I played [insert game title here]”

Gamer 2- “What was her response?”

Gamer 1- “ I still have a girlfriend.”

[remainder of conversation irrelevant]

Seen at the game store:

Gamer C brought his girlfriend to a MtG event. By all accounts, she wanted to play and was hanging out with C's friends A & K. C generously and willingly paid for her entry. A & K teased C mercilessly for paying and being a gentleman, but in a gentle, chiding sort of way.

Girlfriends. While as a rule, gamers seem to want them (a few notable exceptions come to mind); they seem to be a strange and compelling quandary for the men I know.

[40K] Where Are The Ladies?

So I have an idea for a Killzone team that would need at least 2 ladies. The idea is spawned out of the old Armageddon crew- I'm thinking of Chad Black, his lovely Anita, along with Father Pain and Mercy. They would most likely be Black Templars, or possibly just really DARK Space Marines. One of the ladies can easily be out of the Witchhunters/Sisters of Battle- she's essentially a nun; I can find a figure.

The other? I really envision a bad-ass babe in SpaceMarine armor. Is there such a thing?

On that thought, does 40K have any serious butt-kicking females at all?

Sure, there's Lelith, and some of the Wytches. Are they HQ slots, though? Are they "leading the charge"?

In WarMachine, there's no end of sure-fire hell raising women. Sorscha, Haley, Deneghra, Fiora, Ashlynn, Kaelyssa- each faction has a killer; no-holds barred lady to lead the forces. Hell, the AVATAR of MENOTH is a woman.

Is it too much to ask for a girl with great gams in armor for my 40K shenanigans?

Failing what I really want, what can I convert? Do I need a degree in greenstuffing to get anything close?

[WOD] Eile- Snapshots

Freeze Frame- J. Geils Band 

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These little vignettes are best imagined as a black and white photos or short movies; just a quick glimpse into Eile's current life in Austin.

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Picture 1-

The camera has captured Eile from a side-long and front ways angle, with the background in soft focus She could be anywhere- a bus or train station, restaurant or kitchenette of a small apartment. There's both a sense of mystery and familiarity to the shot. It's a rarely candid and intimate moment.

Eile is casually clumped low in a high back chair, her legs crossed and thrown over a table or bench in front of her. Her feet are shockingly bare, with her toenails delicately painted. Her head is thrown back and resting against the back of the chair, exposing her long and vulnerable neck.

In the hand nearest the camera, aggressively held in a fashion reminiscent of men and cons, is a lit cigarette, seemingly moving towards her mouth. Eile's eyes are closed in a tranquil and pensive fashion. Her lips are slightly open, and a cloud of hazy, dream-like smoke is caught drifting like motes in the air around her face. 

Picture 2-

The shot sees Eile as she's sunbathing atop the roof of a building. Despite the monchrome of the photo, Eile's supple nude back gleams in the sunlight. She's in the midst of turning from her back to her stomach; and her weight primarily rests on the set of her hips nearest the viewer.The dark bottoms of her bathing suit stretch across the skin of her rear in wonderful ways. The leg further from the camera is slightly bent at the knee, pushing her weight over.

One arm is under her, resting up to the elbow on the roof, and the other arm is gently bent out, with her finger crooked, beckoning to someone off camera. 

There's something sensual and hauntingly akin to an animal about to pounce on an unseen victim to the scene. 

Picture 3-

This is a long shot, taken from behind Eile's back. A sofa, sitting on the edge of a curb, sits beyond Eile in the foreground. Eile holds up a tailor's tape longways, and it's unclear if she's measuring the couch or the distant horizon seen at the outside edge of the picture.

The last picture in the series is in color. It's a source of inspiration and consideration I use often. The spirit and essence of Eile's joie de vivre just jumps off the page to me here, and the clothes and styling are spot on for how I imagine my Changeling girl. 

Thanks, Mondo!

Hope you enjoy. Look for more Eile related goodies next Friday!

[Weekly Whimsy] International Suit Up Day (Part 2)

Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Discussing delivery of the debonaire, dissing the douche that doesn't dress, diving into the depths of the dearth and death of determination, derring do, and drive.

[Love my weekly word-nerd fit. On to today's topic!]

Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man- ZZ Top, Sharp Dressed Man

Earlier this week, Dave over at CrewShakenNotStirred talked about International Suit Up Day. He approached the subject from a lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek. His post was well received and he was able to get a group of folks to admit their foibles as former slobs.

His closing statement was meant as a rally cry, a shot of morale- "Suit Up. Score Chicks. Win Games!"

The "Suit Up" portion of his was clear in point and purpose. I love the sentiment and would like to see more of my local crew take it to heart. Dave did a great illustration on the benefits of better grooming, and his bumbler-turned-Barney was easy to identify and commisserate with in retrospective amusement.

It was the brandishment to "Score Chicks" that was slightly lacking, and I'd like to step up to the challenge. While Dave was lighthearted and jovial in his delivery, my tone will be a bit more sisterly, wise, and slightly serious. A strong nod to Chumby's advice is needed here- "Get A Job" and "Hit The Gym" are not bad words of wisdom at all; definitely worthy of attention.

Dave and Chumby don't do enough for their fellow dudes. They approach the subject, and make pointed comments in the general area, but miss the heart of the matter. So I propose a primer- primarily from the perspective of the pursued. So as a favor to my comrades in dice, I offer:

The Do's and Don'ts of Dudes

Do- Suit Up. Dave is right- an improved appearance and the following self confidence he discusses makes a world of difference in the way a dude is perceived by the world. Self confidence and all it encompasses can make improvements to the general nature of the dude in question, benefiting him in a multitude of ways.

Do- Get Out of the House. Dave suggests getting off the internet and interacting with your pals at the pub, watching telly and drinking brews. Certainly a social life with the guys is a step in the right direction. But if it's finding a chick you seek, hanging with your friends won't get you very far. You need to

Go Where The Girls Are

Where is this magical land of females? Is there some hidden door you have to make a 5+ roll to find? Does it smell funny there?

Amazing thing to hear, but girls are people too. They have interests, hobbies, passions and pursuits just as well as the guys. As I mentioned in my "On Shoes" post, it doesn't hurt at all to learn about the very things that ladies enjoy.

Unfortunately, every girl is different. The more you know the girl in question, the more you can personalize the conversation- and the better off you'll do with said lady. However, there are some things that are somewhat safe- much like sports, cars and guns for guys; there are a few things you can assume are good topics of discussion with the female kind.

These topics include (but aren't limited to) dancing, cooking, creative crafting, home decor and furnishings, movies & television, popular books, and music.

If you're hoping to find a specific kind of girl, you're in luck. Get involved in a group where a girl of that kind is likely to congregate, and you'll probably have some luck. Very importantly, Geeky girls are becoming less of a rare breed and are easily found at anime clubs, libraries, drama groups, Mystery Theater troups,  and even the occasional game store.

Going to and getting involved in activities outside of the pub and the local 40K night can be a good way to meet a girl.

Once you find a girl worth your time and attention, there's a VERY important point you need to heed.

DON'T treat her like prey. Girls, as delicious as they are, don't like being treated like they are dinner (at least not until much later). Be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to her, but not so much that she can obviously feel that she is your sole focus. I'm sure you've all witnessed the guy going in for the kill- zooming in on the "target" to the oblivion of the rest of the room, only to be batted down.

Nine times out of ten, it has nothing to do with what he said. It's almost always about HOW he said it. If he said it while crowding her personal space, while stepping on people behind him because he was so focused on her he didn't see them, or while blocking her from an exit;  he's out of luck.

Now you have a girl who you'd like to pay attention to, and she hasn't rejected you. There's just one more important thing to know, and the rest should work itself out.

DO Have Ambition. Have something concrete you want to do and have an action plan of how you want to do it. This is somewhat an offshoot of the "Suit Up" lesson earlier- self confidence will certainly assist you in this regard; but having something- ANYTHING you want to do and are passionate about is an absolute must.

I'll be honest, even a guy living at home with mom/parents may not be an automatic "no" if he's in med school or taking care of a sick family member. A guy with a steady but dead end job isn't out of the running if he's taking night classes, teaching himself a language or skill, or knows that in X years he's going to explore a challenging area of study, travel or have accomplished something noteworthy. A dude with ambition is well worth a woman's time, and definitely at an advantage over the guy who hasn't yet learned to "Suit Up".

One last don't for you, fellows:


DON'T lie or cheat. Simply not cool and disrespects all that work you did to improve yourself over the slacker you might previously have been, or are competing against.

While this is not a complete collection, it's a stepping stone to superior situations with the other sex. I hope you've enjoyed it, and I'll have something fun for you next week.