[Weekly Words on Women] Watching the World Turn Upside Down

As most of you know, I don't tend to get passionate about a whole lot. I try pretty hard to be even-natured and talk about things in a fairly rational way. I don't let too much rile me up, and I avoid the shenanigans you can count on from my co-author, SinSynn.

I'm going to play by some different rules for this series, which I had planned and sketched out well before last week's web explosion on gender, bias and sexism.


Over the next few weeks, I will be looking at access and control some more, along with the gaming community and how women are viewed and treated. I'll probably discuss how we got to where we are today, and ask a lot of questions. 

Last time, I talked about control and access in regards to women's sexuality. This time, - let's talk about women's rights. I'm specifically looking at the way the world is changing and how control and access is being challenged, especially via religion and politics (at least in the US).

[RPG] Where Is Your Safe Place?

This is a rumination borne of several recent posts and (for me) almost-posts.

Do you ever have those? Those situations where you want to post something, but hold off for whatever reason? You know, the "close call"?

I have had a couple in the past few days. I know I'm not the only one- at least one or two of my real life friends have blogs, and I know they have restrained themselves from writing what's "really going on" for fear of hurt feelings or other situations like that.

I'm personally struggling with this sort of situation. I've always intended my blog to be a way to connect with the gaming community, and I work hard to avoid excluding someone because of that. But I also have a strong sense of ownership- it's MY blog, and I'll talk about what *I* want to. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it.

(At least, that's what my 10 year old self argues any time I want to post something that might not go over well.)

That sort of attitude doesn't solve the problem, but it certainly gives you a lot of freedom.

I have to ask myself if I WANT freedom, or if I want the community I am working so hard to build. If my answer is community, then certain things I might post will just not go up. As I said, I'm not the only one with these feelings.

GMs probably experience a little of this- I can imagine it can be hard to dissect a game gone awry online  if any of their players read blogs. It can be tough to talk about preparations, villains, problems or anything "negative" if your players blog or read them frequently.

If you can't say the things that are on your mind because you're worried about upsetting someone, where do you turn? Where do you let off your steam, and let out your frustrations?

What is your safe place?

Twenty Years

This is one of my favorite pictures of us... from a friend's wedding, 20 years ago. It was a great day. 

The following are from ours... an even better day- 20 years ago today. 

That YSL suit still gets me. I adore this picture of you.

My grandfather smelled great. He told me that you had no idea how lucky you were. 

I still wonder if the same isn't true for me. I sure feel lucky.

I forgot how much I smiled that day. I need to do it more. 

Starting our marriage out laughing... I love laughing with you.

I hope to look at you that way  for as long as I live. 

happy 20th anniversary.

[All Games] Who Do I Have To Be To Get Some Reciprocity?

That particular lyric (from the mighty and wonderful Lauryn Hill) has been on my mind a lot lately.

It's a really powerful and moving question; one that felt raw and right at the same time. It's certainly a question of anguish, of desperation and of justice. The question has gotten into my gut and twisted around for well over a month, demanding some sort of answer- waiting for things to be "righted".

And then I realized; it was the wrong question.

These little quotes that stick with me for weeks or months (or years) are usually trying to teach me some sort of lesson. I'd been stuck on this idea of righting wrongs, of equity and of fairness.

But those ideas; they are really backwards and wrong for me and how I want to live my life- in personal relationships and in gaming. I've had a handful of ideals that I don't want to compromise on, and "getting what's mine" is sure not in that list.

I don't want to be wealthy; I just want to be wonderful. -

This gem was uttered by a desperately broken, hopelessly romantic woman in the prime of her life. A lot of people don't understand why I like or admire her so much, but this particular quote really sums it up. She wanted something different. I get wanting to transcend and be worthy.

So shines a good deed in a weary world -

An adaptation of The Bard in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory-the kindness uttered here is worth the entire silly movie.

Let it be me
if the world is night
shine my life like a light

Emily's passionate plea strikes a chord in my heart. There's nothing reciprical about being a light. You just shine. Shedding brightness to the dark corners is its own reward.

So what does all this have to do with gaming?

I game- and use every chance I get  in those interactions to shine. To be wonderful. To do a good deed.

I'm not doing it to have any reciprication. I don't expect anything back.

I don't expect anything back.

I have made some great friendships through gaming and blogging. I have had a lot of joy in seeing other people's work shining my way, and being touched by it.

Someone decided to snuff a brilliant light- and my world is a little darker because of it.

So I'm brightening my light, to keep out the dark.

I'm going to be posting some great ways you can reach out to others in your games- 40K, RPG or otherwise. I'll be talking about how to get past your own hangups and trying new things. I'll be talking about how to have fun, and my crazy ways of getting there.

I don't expect anything back, but I know I'll get something in the long run- something right and true.

I'll get to be wonderful.

Personal message

Yet again, grace and chance have shown me that as I move closer to the best possible me,  I'm doing good along the way.

That's a fantastic mindset to have as the new year approaches.