Wonderland Session 3

This session showed that even with planning, games can go sideways without too much influence. Two of my players were unable to attend, so the events I had planned for the session had to be scrapped and new ones had to be implemented quickly.

My players were on an island that had time zones- large geographic regions that were permanently twilight, early morning, afternoon, etc.  They had found the remnants of what might have once been a village and decided to camp there for the "night" (even though it was mid afternoon). 

The group woke up, and two members of their group were missing. As they started to look around, The Captain noticed that some of his clothes were lightly wet. It wasn't really "wet", but somewhat more tacky, like antibacterial hand gel. Further investigation showed that there were spots of the tacky like liquid along the tops of the stonework ruins, but not anywhere on the ground. 

[Weekly Words on Women] Voices in the Knight

Strong inside but you don't know it

Good little girls they never show it

When you open up your mouth to speak

Could you be a little weak-

Madonna, What It Feels Like 

---------------------------------

All the people in the world are dreaming (get up stand up)

Some of us cry for the rights of survival (get up stand up)

Saying c’mon c’mon! Stand up for your rights

While others don’t give a damn

They’re all waiting for a perfect day

So you better get up and fight for your rights

Don’t be afraid of the move you make

You better listen to your tribal voice!

Yothu Yindi, Tribal Voice

I'm not generally known for making snap decisions. I have something of a reputation for being pretty accommodating, even when I don't directly agree with the person or idea.  Finding peace and compromise are things I excel in, or at least I used to have those talents. 

Being a peacemaker and a master of compromise doesn't mean I don't know myself or understand my own voice. I've always been able to speak for myself, and I'm one of the few people that can stand up to the incomparable and stubborn man in my life, TheDude. Despite being something of a "mouse" for most of my life, I finally found my voice and pretty much haven't shut up since. 

This ain't the Olympics (on being kind to n00bs)

Hey folks, SinSynn here.

It may come as a surprise to some that I love the Olympics. Summer or winter, it doesn't matter to me. I luvs 'em.
Olympic athletes have a singular purity of purpose that I admire. Their entire lives orbit around the sport they participate in, and their goal is simple- bring home Gold for the country they represent. Not just for themselves, but for their country.

*I react this way when I roll 6's*

Olympic athletes tend to maintain a level of professionalism and sportsmanship throughout the games that I respect. There's honor there, by and large, and despite my general disdain for sports, I find myself drawn in every time the Olympics roll around.
So here's me, hoping Michael Phelps put the bong down and got his practice laps in (nice job qualifying, Mike!), hoping Hope Solo is on point in goal and the US Women's Soccer team brings home the Gold and avenges their World Cup loss, and getting a huge kick outta Rowan Atkinson during the opening ceremony.
Ah, good ol' competition. To me, the Olympics prove that it's a 'good thing.' Events like the Olympics give me hope in humanity.

And then there's the Ultimate Rival....sigh.

One of our recent debates has centered around the fact that our gaming club has asked him to 'be nicer' when giving demo games of Flames of War. He was nominated for this task simply because he owns so much FoW stuffs (both models and terrain), that he can literally leave several armies at the store at all times solely for this purpose. Customers visiting the game store we play at who express interest in FoW can schedule a demo game with the staff, and the Ultimate Rival will show up and talk them through the basics.
That's the theory, anyway.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, the Ultimate Rival has taken great joy in crushing each and every person he's given a demo game to. The last four people he's beaten never returned to the store, and well, that ain't good, for obvious reasons.
We want to grow our FoW community, not drive people away. We want the store where we play to make money.
Y'know- professionalism. Sportsmanship.
There's a time for hard-core competition, for sure, but there's also a time for training, for teaching and learning. When it comes to hand-holding a baby seal through his first game of anything, that simply isn't the time to get all competitive, in my opinion.

*The new guy ain't ready for this level yet (but damn- Hope Solo is tough! No header for you!)*

I recently introduced my friend Nascar (we all have nicknames where I live) to FoW, and I had a LOT of fun doing it. Seeing my buddy all amped up and hanging on every roll of the dice was...cool. Maybe I'm a lil' jaded. Maybe I've played so many games that I don't have the same level of enthusiasm any more, I dunno.
Oh, but seeing Nascar jumping up and down, pumping his fist at every successful save bought it all back to me.

I let him win the first game, and I had absolutely no issues doing so. I was happy to do it, in fact. Nascar had a huge grin, and his eyes shone with victory. In that moment, he was filled with hobby joy, and I'd be a flat out liar if I said that I wasn't happy, just seeing him happy.
I know I did the right thing, because he immediately asked me if we could play another. I'm absolutely certain I did the right thing, becasue halfway through our second game, he was animatedly discussing his plans for the third. We played on until well after midnight.
We have a game scheduled for later today.

Sometimes I think experienced gamers may have forgotten what being a noob felt like. Worse yet, I think that some experienced gamers use the word noob as an insult. This is especially prevalent in on-line gaming, but it occurs in our hobby, as well. Many of the games we play are complex, and possibly intimidating to the newcomer. More than that, mini-gaming represents a considerable investment in both time and money.
It behooves us, as a community, to kindle the interest shown by the new bloods, not to discourage them.

Take care of the noobs. Represent our community in a friendly manner. Be inclusive, be welcoming.
Save your Olympic caliber play for where it matters, at a tournament.
That's all I have to say about that.


Until next time, folks- Exit with catchphrase!

-SinSynn

P.S.- GO USA!

[Weekly Words on Women] Women Owners

A few of you know that I own a FLGS. I talk about it here now and then, and a lot more often over here.

I work at the store at least once a week, and more often if I'm needed or if I can. That leaves a lot of time that I am not there. For the most part, the store operations are run by TheDude and our employees.

Many times, because of how much work TheDude and the employees do, I feel like an out an out fraud, saying that I'm an owner. But the reality is, that's in MY head. I do all the negotiations with service providers, and have the connections in the professional networks we use. My name is on all the important paperwork. I make as many decisions as TheDude, and those decisions are just as essential and relevant as any he makes. I'm involved in as much of the running of the store as TheDude; just in a different way than his work. That doesn't make what I do less valid, it just makes it different.

I've previously wondered, where are the ladies; and found that in the hobby world, there just aren't that many. I struck upon a strange discovery recently- that all the powerful movers and shakers that happen to be ladies are in the CRAFT world, and there just aren't very many in the HOBBY world. Looking at crafting; there's a virtual cornucopia of women owners and designers (Martha Stewart just to name one), and there are very few men in crafting. The exceptions appear to be in highly technical crafts or crafts that veer into art territories, where there are plenty of men (Bob Ross is dead, but you get the idea). I have to wonder what that says about men and women; and if it has any relevance to me at all.

I look around at the gaming and geeky landscape, and I'm fairly alone as a woman in charge. There are not very many (if any) women that operate game stores, game companies, publishing houses, or who design games. There aren't a lot of ladies that are featured artists, or win a lot of contests, or who write adventures. 

How many of us are there in the hobby landscape? How many women are bosses, developers, creators, innovators, writers, publishers, artists, studio heads or any of the other various positions of power or influence in this geeky world? How many of these women love what they do? How many are doing things in action and not in words/lip service?

I can really only think of two "big names"- Margaret Weis and Felicia Day. I'm not a big name by any stretch of the imagination; I'm barely recognizable outside my inner circle. I often wonder if I have the passion, the drive, the energy, dedication and fearlessness to move to the next step and take my business to a higher level.

When I think about the level of dedication and devotion needed to "step it up", I think of my personal role model; Megan Hunt aka Princess Lasertron. Yes, she's in "crafting", but she has diligently pushed her brand into much more than just "artsy fartsy" stuff (how many people view crafting) and moved into high end design and fashion. I've been following her for a very long time, and I'm constantly impressed with how much work she puts into looking at what she needs to do on or with herself in order to grow her business and brand. She exudes a certain level of fearlessness that I envy and strive for; even if it is just what I see and not reality.

The self examination part of growth usually takes up more time and energy than it should for me, and my business stays where it is for now.  I'm also not the only one making these decisions, and TheDude has his own reservations and reasons for (or against) any growth or changes we make with the store.

It's not always easy being a female in this "wilderness of men" (my quote from a long time ago). There's a certain amount of "boys club mentality" at times; which I usually ignore. There's also some outright animosity aimed at women; especially PRETTY women (as seen here ). There are many times when the dismissive attitudes and condescension aimed in my general direction are frustrating enough to make me want to hang it up; and I've honestly asked if the reward is worth the work more than once.

Very few people know how much undermining and second guessing goes on with a business, especially one that's even close to successful.  We have quite a few people that hit us with "concerns" - concerns that are roughly disguised complaints that we aren't doing what they want; concerns that are unfair or hurtful, concerns that are fair but we aren't in a position to immediately correct whatever issue is present, concerns we don't have a direct avenue of addressing due to the form they're presented to us, concerns that are another fire we have to put out.  Trying to balance the desire for growth with the seemingly incessant quicksand of our customer's expectations and community feedback is a whole lot tougher than I ever imagined.

I do think it's worth it, in the long run. When I see my customers enjoying the community that I've worked hard to develop, when I see the laughter, the friendships, the volunteerism and dedication; I know I'm doing something right.

Being a woman owner, being proud of what I do is essential, because otherwise things will just get me down. I'm too thrilled with what I do to let that happen.

[Weekly Words on Women] Raising Kids in A Gamer Environment

I'm a mom. I've made no bones about it, but I don't talk about the act of raising my kids, or how my home life works much. I'm just not a "mommy blogger" and have no desire to be one.

BLECH. No thank you. 

The main reason is that I exist outside of my kids. I am a whole person, and not just "so-and-so'smommy". I have this crazy idea that someday they will move out and be independent people, and for them to do that, *I* have to be a person for them to learn from.

A few of my readers know that I've been in the gaming community since I was 12.
I was introduced to games and gaming by my dad, who is also a gamer. I've spent pretty much my entire years outside of childhood as a gaming person, and it's definitely influenced me in some very interesting ways.

As much as I love my dad, he really didn't do a lot of raising me. I did a lot of raising myself. Part of that was because I didn't start living with him until later in life, and he didn't know what "made me tick"; and part of it was that I was just wired that way. Being introduced to the local geek community while I was still "raising myself" meant that the guys in the gaming club had a hand in how I turned out.

I learned that just because something is make believe or fantasy doesn't mean you always get what you want. I learned that RPGs are cooperative and that learning to  collaborate is a good idea. I learned a lot about social graces and how to talk in an environment of men. I learned how to properly measure for moving miniatures.

One of these might have been cool.

I met TheDude when I was 12. I met him on the first night I went to the game club, but I wasn't really impressed. I actually didn't like him very much for the first year or so that I knew him. It happened slowly over time that we grew to be good friends. We were friends for several years and then started dating. We were both really young when we got married, and we had 2 kids before I was 24.

When it came to raising our kids, I knew raising them around gamers was going to be a given. I game. TheDude games. My brother and his wife game. My dad games. All our friends game.

Raising kids is tough enough from my perspective as a mom. When you add in the mix of some of the typical gamer traits I've seen at the table, I had a whole different level of things to consider as I taught my children about the world.

Each kid had different considerations, because they are very different people. To me, this is an obvious and important issue to keep in mind. I've seen mothers who lose sight of this in some crazy attempt to make everything "even" and "fair"; but me, I understand far too well that kids need to be treated like people; just people that aren't done growing up yet.

My son had a firm desire to game, and a strong understanding of mechanics from a very early age. Pretty much every game he has laid his hands on, he has figured out. It's the social niceties that he is lacking on at times, with subtleties and conventions moving just outside his peripheral vision.

My daughter is still unsure about gaming; and rules baffle her quite often. However, she adores the social nature of the gaming crowd, and enjoys participating in the ebb and flow of the laughter, conversations and general frivolity that our group generates.

While she's tuned into interactions she's involved in, the ones around her often elude her entirely. As a somewhat naive teenager, she often misses clues that I catch. I've had an occasion or two where someone has shown her just a little too much interest or paid attention to her a little too hard, and I've had to be vigilant on her behalf.

Teaching my kids the ins and outs of how our gaming culture works has been challenging and enlightening. I have worked hard to raise these interesting people to be good additions to any group, all while knowing that they have to do most of the work themselves.

Being a mom is fraught with all kinds of society directed baggage- and I've refused to let my being a parent mold my choices in life. That doesn't mean my moral decisions aren't guided by the influence of children in my life; it just means that like everything I do, I consider what is best for my family at the time and decide accordingly.

Taking kids to conventions, or game stores, or playing games at home- all of these choices are dependent on the parent and the kid involved; and may change according to circumstance or timing. All those choices are a lot to deal with, along with how and when to introduce my kids to the local scene.

Being a mom is uniquely a female endeavor, and being female means a lot of expectations  about motherhood. I've tried not to let too many of them get me down, but some of them are pretty heavy. The only ones that matter are the ones my husband and children set, and working to meet them is a challenge and a privilege. Sometimes being a lady is pretty neat. 

Wonderland Session 2

We had a great session of Wonderland this week.

I lost a player and gained one, and I think I handled this change pretty well.

The group traveled through the Void; which was terrifying and strange. The group moved through total emptiness, and then through a cemetery of souls that grabbed for them, and then through the roots of a world above them.

As the group made it to the "end" of the Void "road", they felt a bump as if they had run aground. They saw a small pinhole of light, and as they peered through the pinhole, they saw what appeared to be twilight.

[Weekly Words on Women] Who Decides

Based on the phenomenal response my post last week got, I thought I'd address an aspect of my underlying argument differently. I'd like to try to look at this in a more objective and dispassionate way.

My original premise was that men - by virtue of being men - don't have the authority or privilege of deciding what women view as sexist, misogynistic, or otherwise problematic.  My general basis for this argument is that men are not affected or impacted by items, situations or actions that could be perceived as sexist, misogynistic or problematic in the same way that women are.

I'll accept the proposed suggestion that there are guys that value women and their struggles in modern society, and specifically gaming. I'll go along with the idea that there are men that are interested in battling injustices, who want to voice their opposition to those items, situations and actions. I don't disagree that there is a corps of men who believe as strongly as I do that wrong is wrong.

There comes a time when the folks deciding what is wrong (and to some extent, WHY) is a pretty important part of any discussion. Maybe this flies in the face of your worldview- that "wrong is wrong", and that's all there is to it. Perhaps the concept that who says an item, situation or action is wrong makes no difference to you; as long as someone is speaking out, it's a good thing (to you).

I'll attempt to explain as clearly as I can (with examples) why this doesn't work FOR ME. Maybe that will help me figure out how to talk about the topic at hand in a more effective manner, and maybe it will give some discussion. Neither of these outcomes is a bad one in my view; and if nothing comes of it, I won't mind because writing is something I truly enjoy. (It IS better when there is an audience, I won't lie. But I write for me as much as I possibly can, and if people want to talk about it, that's just icing on the cake.)

When talking about injustice, I generally side on the "do everything possible to make it stop" part of the spectrum. Social justice and equality are big deals to me. I've made it my life's mission to teach my kids tolerance and I work in many ways to promote equality across the spectrum outside of the home.  The comment that equated my commentary to the gay rights conversation last week really caught me off guard. After looking at things a little more closely, I figured there's really only one way to proceed, and that's to SHOW you what I mean.

The post my pal wrote brought up sexism, and what a lot of you saw as sexism in "make believe land". While I don't want to detract too much, I do want to interject a few conversations that I think might exemplify the imbalance of male viewpoints to female viewpoints and then move along.

The examples I'll be using are from one of my all-time favorite blogs. This is a blog that has an extremely good ratio of male to female respondents, and the general makeup of the readers are well-educated, professional people. This blog is highly regarded as having one of the most civil and adult comments sections among workplace related blogs.

Because this blog is highly directed to workplace concerns, many times when there is a concern about how men and women interact, there's a specific legal subtext to the advice and conversations. Almost all of those deal with HARASSMENT, which is somewhat different than sexism, but the way the comments play out shows that perceptions about harassment have sexist overtones.

Some examples of discussions where the conversation includes harassment and gender divides include : link 1- This is the most extreme example I found.  This conversation also addresses the topics, but not for a while and you can see a distinct gender disparity.  This one's really good, and really gets to it. Also, this one is decent at addressing the topic, and THIS ONE is one that shows the disparity very clearly.

To me, the way the divide slides very much along gender lines (and to some extent, lines of power) says very clearly that someone is missing the point. For women to say "hey, this is harassment" and men to say "um, nope" means that there's an imbalance of understanding and ability to communicate what exactly harassment IS to a woman and why.

The "sides" of feeling and perceiving harassment are clear to me- whomever says "hey, this bothers me, cut it out" is in the right. It's not up to the person acting to do anything other than listen and change behaviors so as not to do the offending thing again.

All of that was to make a point. The point was men and women see things differently. There was some talk that those little models sculpted to look like boobs and butts were somehow sexist. Sexism is a little more complex than simple harassment, but the idea is similar. 


It might be that I misunderstood the intentions of male posters over at the previous discussion because I am female. My perceptions and understanding of the comments and behaviors might very well have been clouded by my previous encounters with men. As I stated earlier, my original point was that men aren't affected or influenced by these encounters in the same way that I am, and their perspective is different than mine. It makes it tougher for them to clearly identify "hey, this is uncool" because they as men don't get the same result from daily interactions. 

From my perspective, the VERY MOST you could say about sexy models was that they might encourage men to look at women in a sexual way and perhaps see the female form as a sexual object instead of recognizing that there are PEOPLE behind the boobs out in the real world. 

When I see "sexy models", I don't see sexism or misogyny or anything like that. I see FANTASY, and I wholeheartedly accept and encourage the fantastic as a way for people to express themselves and their interest in the hobby. I don't happen to find the models as any sort problem, but I've come to realize it might be partially due to the fact that I'm attracted to ladies just as much as I am to men.

I don't really talk about this very much, because identifying as anything under the  LGBT flag can and does get you marginalized (even further than I might already be as a woman) and I'm just not interested in inviting THAT onto my plate as well.

I have decided that for me, hot models are hot models and I like them. I see and know a difference between fantasy and reality. To me, models and art are part of the imaginary and unreality of gaming. They are not "real".

They are not personal interactions between men and women. They are not relationships where males talk to and about females in various ways. They are not restrictions by males on access to power, voice or influence for women (or any minority). These things- these are things I will work myself up over. These are things I see as worthy of my attention.

I have no doubt that fighting to make interactions between men and women more equal and less fraught with inference and shades of sexism is a good thing, and I want everyone to take part in helping equality along.  I won't ever back down from fighting against injustices in personal interactions.

But I do have reservations that men can (or will) objectively be able to state that a certain thing is "bad" for women when they aren't female and don't know the same things I do as a woman.

Thanks for listening. I look forward to seeing what comes of this...