Originally posted
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Game Update
Jak, the character I have been playing for over 2 years, died Saturday.
I've seen a fair share of uncool, underhanded, or just downright jerky player character deaths throughout the years I've been gaming. I've seen personal grudges taken out on players, vindictiveness and humiliation transposed onto the fictional lives of my friends, relatives and even my own imagining.
Jak's death was none of those. It was a fair, clean kill. It was in some ways an object lesson- and I am ok with that. Jak died protecting the ones he loved most, defending those weaker than himself, and he died fighting. Jak had resisted the temptation to let his anger, frustration, discontent and fear take over for a very long time; but when the time came to fight- he did. I'm very content with how he died-it was fitting to how I've played him and how I envisioned him.
I am a little disoriented by his death. I had a lot of ideas for him, and I put a lot of work into fleshing him out. I put a lot of energy into the game overall, and I protected with a vigilance that's fairly rare for me. It was my place to breathe and relax through all the things life is throwing at me, and to have it suddenly gone is a little strange.
I had a few moments of panic- because the players in the game, the ST, the time and the place in many ways became my home. To have your home taken away unexpectedly, to have what you hoped & dreamed of removed- it's jarring and a little hard to swallow.
But it's a game. It's fun, a way to relax and escape. And now I get to come up with a new idea. I'm looking forward to playing a character that's a lot more like myself- because Jak was tough to play. Who knows what I'll do next, but I am looking forward to a new home.
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